Law of Cards: Mind Control Prompts Topps to File “Chrome” Application (Maybe)
Dear Topps,
A month ago I suggested that you should file a trademark application for "Chrome" to give additional protection for your product lines. OK, I may have been pushier than that—I wrote, "Hey, Topps, file a trademark application for CHROME. What do you have to lose?"
It was kind of bossy, I know. I apologize.
But I am glad to see that on June 25, you did exactly what I suggested.
Now, I figure one of three things happened. Either, 1) your attorneys were already in the process of doing this, and I just got lucky predicting it, 2) you followed my advice (in which case I will be issuing you a bill for my standard hourly rate. Although, since it took me seven seconds to write that suggestion, maybe I’ll just write my time off as "business development"), or 3) I have mind control power over Topps.
In my four years at the University of Illinois (in which I received degrees in biochemistry and honors biology), I do not remember a single class that discussed any biological mechanisms for mind control. But I'm still going with option three.
And now to put my mind control powers to use:
Hey Topps, why don't you start a trading card set focusing on trading card lawsuits? Imagine the possibilities: triple crossover autos with Jerry Springer, Richard McWilliam and Nico Blauw, a Durantula card signed by both Kevin Durant and Mark Durante, or a Brian Gray/Andrew Luck dual patch. And you could make another (hopefully authorized) card of Christopher Holmes too! Also, and most importantly, you could have the rookie debut Bowman Black card of me, limited to 25 autographs. That would be awesome. And the licensing fees for this product will ensure that all trading card lawsuit participants make money from their lawsuits.
Don't worry, I will only use my mind control powers over you for good.
Legal translation: For good = For good laughs that is.
Sincerely,
Paul Lesko
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Mike F
I suggest an autographed set that features autos from players who never got around to signing their previous cards, but are now desperate for income after squandering their millions.
We can call it AutoCanYouSpareADimeGraphics. :)