Law of Cards: Greetings, You’ve Been Sued
No, this is not an article updating everyone about the Leaf Trading Cards, LLC v. Andrew Luck case. It's also not an analysis of its legal issues. Rather, this is simply to point out that sometimes court documents can be unintentionally funny.
Like the citation issued to Andrew Luck.
Legal translation: A citation is basically the court document that needs to be hand delivered by an officer of the court (most times) to a defendant to kick off the litigation. Basically, it's proof that the defendant was made aware that he's being sued.
Finding out that you've been sued is always disconcerting. Lawsuits are expensive, and they're invasive, prodding and poking into just about every facet of your life. Also, regardless if you've actually done anything wrong, there's a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach when you get served because sometimes odd things happen in court.
Thankfully, the good people at the Dallas County Courthouse have tried to make the experience more enjoyable.
Below is part of the image of the Citation for Andrew Luck. Don't bother reading it in its entirety (unless you want a quick fix for insomnia).
The most important take home about this document: it looks official. And because of that, to the first-time defendant, it might appear intimidating with the word CITATION plastered just above their name. But to make sure the defendant feels no more stress than necessary, the clerk of the court starts it off with the following polite nicety:
Ahh, thanks guys. Being "greeted" really takes the edge off that next punch in the gut. I mean sentence. It warms my soul to know in this cruel world filled with right of publicity and copyright attorneys who sue 22-year-old kids, that someone still insists on good manners. I think this will be a new addition to some Book of Etiquette somewhere:
"When informing someone in writing that the next few months, if not years, of their lives are going to be invaded by a lawsuit that will result in many sleepless nights, be sure to first say 'Hello' as pleasantly as possible."
Sure, "Greetings, you've been sued," doesn't have the bite of "I'll be back," or "Hasta la vista, baby," but I bet it can somehow be turned into a catchphrase for an action movie series called "The Process Server."
I can see it now.
A 64-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger strolls up to the front door of a first round draft pick. He rings the doorbell while gripping an envelope tightly in his hand. As the door slowly swings open, Andrew Luck emerges, eyes bright and shining with dreams for tomorrow. A world of possibilities is before him. He's about to be a franchise quarterback, and his first starting day is just months away. Millions are waiting for his premiere, and it'll likely be one of the most watched games of the season.
Nothing can possibly ruin this beautiful day.
Schwarzenegger hands Luck the envelope. Luck graciously takes it, thinking it's something to autograph for one of his millions of fans and says, "Hold on," Luck says, "Let me get a pen so I can sign this for you."
And then, Schwarzenegger deadpan delivers the punch line, "Greetings. You hovv bin suuued."
Once Luck's brain filters through Schwarzenegger's accent that he's been sued, his jaw drops in disbelief.
And then, Arnie smiles and says, "I'll still need your autograph on the citation." (Yes, I’m too lazy to figure out how to translate this sentence into Schwarzenegger-eze).
Shoulders slumped, Luck signs the citation and hands it back. Schwarzenegger then turns around to walk away, but he pauses. King of the one-liners, he then delivers, "That's bad luck for you Mr. Luck," as he strolls away.
Hey, that's not too bad. I think we’re onto a new franchise here. Thanks, Dallas County Courthouse!
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